Mom, This One’s For You

Dear Mom,

 

A few days ago I was up pacing the floor at three in the morning, rocking my poor sick baby boy to sleep. Prior to that, I was down on the floor, scrubbing vomit off my older boy’s bedroom floor, and even before that, I was in the bathroom watching his little body heave with each wave of nausea. An hour before that, I was scurrying up and down the stairs to bring my husband medicine and washcloths and water and Gatorade while he had his turn of the nasty bug that was gunning down my family one by one.

 

The morning before that, I was holding my little girl’s hair while she threw up in the toilet. The night before the morning my daughter got sick, I woke up to my baby boy’s cry and when I picked him up, he puked all over me. I have changed countless dirty diapers since then, washed clothes and bedding linens, muttered prayers under my breath, and thought of you.

 

When baby boy was born, I had such a high fever the doctors had to pump us both with antibiotics, and the baby had to spend a long time at the NICU, and I was so scared and worried…

When I saw older boy’s face for the first time after a hard delivery, when I stared at his squinty eyes and perfectly-shaped tiny face…

When I held my daughter in my arms, my firstborn, her body pink and slippery, her cries so soft that I fell in love with her immediately…

I thought of you.

 

When my kids come home with a perfect test score, or a school award, or when I see their faces tired but happy, content at having had a good day,

When I see them cry, little fists swiping away tears, their hearts broken because maybe someone was mean to them, or maybe they made a mistake and were upset, and they tell me tell me tell me all the words, all the things, and my heart listens patiently, my heart breaks a little too and all I want and wish is to fold them in my arms and never let go…

When they get hurt. When older boy broke his arm, and he was three and just a tiny little breakable thing, and how I willed myself not to cry because I had to be brave for him, and I thought of how I was once a tiny little breakable thing too and how you held me together, broken bones and bruises, how you held me in your arms with such tenderness I didn’t feel any pain…

When my kids kissed me and hugged me and told me they love me,

I thought of you.

 

When you let me go. When you said goodbye to me at the airport, when you checked your tears and told me to be brave, be good, be strong… When you let me follow my heart and my dreams… When you let me be myself and still loved me flaws and all…

 

Dear Mom, I am who I am today because of you.

You are beautiful.

You are strong.

You are my mother, and therefore, my heart.

I love you.

 

 

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One thought on “Mom, This One’s For You

  1. this is so beautiful!! Teary eyes…so true, too. You are a fabulous mother, and I’m sure it’s a direct reflection of your own mom 🙂 Happy (belated…) mothers day! But really, it’s mothers day every day, because we never stop, do we??

    LOVE YOU!!!

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